On the pull.

Marriage.  Monty Python managed an entire epilogue on the subject,  most of us spend the majority of our lives trying to make sense of it....and finally I think I have.  It came to me the other day whilst a gorgeous lady friend of mine was regaling me with the tragedy which is her wedded un-bliss .......I say that with the utmost respect for her, and him, understanding that for most of us marital relationships = a case of hanging on by the skin of our teeth (in itself a bizarre statement....I, for one, have no skin on my teeth and even if I did I seriously doubt it would be strong enough to support my body weight). 

I think I could almost surmise the entire concept by inviting you to look up the word "Marriage" on 'Dictionary.com'.  Contrary to the idea (of single people) that the definitions are something like "blissful union with your lust partner" or "convenient way to combine two incomes"  the first thing that comes up is, would you believe, "Want a divorce?".    Well yes....but as all long term marrieds understand...it really isn't that simple.

Marriage is not a partnering of two people who love each other.   I know that may be a bombshell for many of you,  however I would ask at this point "don't shoot the messenger"  I can't help it if the truth hurts.  Life is crap....deal with it.  Maybe they do (love each other) but that I feel is incidental to the event....what it really is, is a throwing in of your load with someone else.  I like to think of it as yoked ox.  Two people who consider themselves equally endowed - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually (and usually financially, although occasionally there is a miracle Cinderella story) and realise that to get through this life, multiply and prosper, one is far better off yoking up to another.  So we seek for a partner who meets up to our own abilities and will therefore pull their fair share of the load.

So far so good. 

What the fairy tales don't bother to tell you is that invariably the duo's ability to walk harmoniously is interrupted.  At some point throughout the journey one of the Oxen will begin to pull harder than the other.   Sometimes they pull in different directions.   Occasionally one will look over at another pair and feel that they would be happier and more suited to that coupling.  Sometimes a rogue Ox will decide he is tired of pulling his load, hates the restrictive yoke he's chosen and decides to freelance for a while.  And then there is the Ox who just drops down dead and can't pull at all. 

Challenging times and how then to make it work.  Obviously if I had the answer to that I'd be a multi millionaire.  I do believe most of us want to make it work - which is admirable and something worth celebrating and why anniversaries are so special.........like medals of honour gained in the bloodiest battles. 

Interestingly, carrying the metaphor further;  in farming the male oxes are castrated to make them more tractable (I'm liking this).  Whilst the females are usually used as breeding stock and then turn in to cows (I'm not sure how this occurs but having bred four times now I can confirm this is a fact).

Keep ploughing people.

x x