That richly woven tapestry called life....

Sadly mine consists mostly of hues in the black to crappy brown shades.  Oh I know I am always complaining...but isn't that why you tune in though? to reassure yourself, that placed next to mine, your existance is far more satisfying, fulfilling and purposeful than you previously understood.  I like to hope this is the case as it brings me great solace to believe my suffering gives joy to others.  And yes I really am on one today.

Twelve months down the line and another L'anniversaire D'Amour has passed (Valentines Day in other words).  After almost sixteen years of sharing a bed with the same man one would assume that the need for mindless tokens of affection would or should have faded by now, along with our sex drive, but not so.  I find myself needing reassurances of his unfailing devotion more than ever of late which is fairly unfortunate.  Unfortunate because of all the things Chris struggles with, remembering that he loves me seems to be right down there at the bottom of the pile together with remembering who he is, where he lives and what he is there for.  In fairness to him he is trying his best to recall most of these things but fate it seems has looked down upon him (and I) and pretty much projectiled. 

So no, he did not remember to post me a card, give me a call or send me flowers.   Despite my best efforts to remind him (by presenting his gift two days early in order to allow time to rectify the oversight I knew was inevitably heading my way) it just didn't appear to register.  Admittedly I am resigned to it of course having learnt over these past three years that when I need a pick me up it is unlikely to come from anyone other than myself, hence the battering my credit card has been subjected to.  I love you  Tesco Mastercard, and probably don't tell you that nearly enough.

But actually it isn't the lack of love trash that's getting me down.   No, today's camel straw is that Chris has lost his job.  Previously he's managed to lose many items ranging from keys, to wallet, to the car and Maisey even, but nothing as yet quite on this scale.  And so it feels hard to stay positive (am I ever?) when life just seems to be headed down a one way street to shitesville.  If I'm honest we both questioned his ability to manage in this role.....a massive leap from his first post-injury helpdesk job in Telford returning to hardcore IT back in Dublin.  Like I said last time though, money is the motivation behind just about all things we do in life and not least of all in this case.  In reality the stress, confusion and sense of inadequacy it has wrought in the poor man was not worth any amount.......well I say that but in truth it would depend how large a figure was on the table.  Truly everything does have it's price and yes I would sleep with Robert Redford for £1000,000.   Infact I'd do it for a fiver if I'm honest....and perhaps a pot noodle if he's feeling generous.

Ah well.  C'est la Vie and all that jazz. 

On a more positive note, I not long ago returned from 'Fat Club' where I learnt my total weight loss to date is 9.5lbs (over the last 5 weeks).  Sad that it has come to this, where the only motivation for not gorging myself on a daily basis stems from the thought of ritualistic humiliation at my public weigh in, but it was either that or stomache staples.  Based on the fact the latter is expensive and potentially fatal I figured plan A was advisable.   Admittedly I started off five weeks ago at my fattest ever and whilst writing this blog have already consumed two Dairy Milks and a Redbull in celebration of my success (logical), but honestly if I can keep this level of commitment up I should be back in a size 10 by about 2013.  Just in time for my 40th birthday celebrations.  Bargain.

I don't however want this era of my blog to be based solely about losing girth. 

What kind of a woman woud I be if my only interests consist of attempting weight loss and bewailing my marital disharmony........hmmmmm.......the average married woman perhaps?

x x

Return of the Jedi (the fat duck-like one).

So I did say I'd given up this extremely indulgent practice, but for purely selfish reasons I feel compelled to recommence.  There is something wholly cathartic about airing one's laundry on the world wide web, for all and sundry to see, which in a sadistic fashion brings soothes to my soul.  And so why not.  Aside from the fact my previous dialogues managed to single handedly offend practically every person I have had the dis/pleasure of knowing or being related to, I think on the whole it was a productive venture, and something I miss dreadfully.

So this is me, beginning again, although this time writing about my friend -  ccoincidentally also named Bambi, but for legal, social, emotional and inheritance reasons, NOT actually me.

Newsworthy items.  This friend of mine with the same name, same marital situation and same socio-economic circumstances as myself has now moved back to her home town of Leicester.  And what brought this about - well let me ask you, what is the motivating factor for most changes in life?  Yes that's right - Money.  We all pretend that it doesn't govern us but honestly, in my meek opinion, it does.  You are foolish to believe otherwise.  At least in the western world anyhow. 

Alongside that, Chris (the other Bambi's husband - which is rather a shame as it would have been far more preferable were this Bambi to have a husband named say Brad or George or Eddie) has now relocated to Ireland for work purposes;  the children are all in new schools and she lives in the middle of nowhere in a building which perhaps used to be some kind of fridge freezer in a previous life.  It is practically arctic. 

What astounds, depresses and particularly frustrates Bambi number 2 is the fact that although environmental changes have occurred, emotionally she - oh sod it, I mean I am no further on than before.  I am still living with the fantasy of regaining my pre-Euan-Dan-Charlotte-Maisey figure, of being married to the man of my dreams and having a steady supply of wealth,  hence then the notable feeling of dissatisfaction with just about everything around me.  The fact of the matter is, in this drudgery called life, nothing ever really changes.  I have and will always crave a slender body, a happy marriage and an easy existence, which is pretty futile and therefore matters will continue in the same vein until I'm lucky enough to be walking beneath a ladder and a piano drops on my head, flattening my brain and sending me packing to that great big 5 star all inclusive holiday paradise in the sky.  And in a further twist of fate you can bet your backside my angel body is fat too.

No, I'm guessing this is me and I am stuck with it.  Disappointing after all the books I've read where it always comes good for the heroine (is that what I think I am??)...... and maybe that's the problem.... I exist in fantasy land, where problems are always resolved, the girl always gets the boy and they always live happily ever after.  In reality life is mostly spent just riding the wheel.

Anyway enough of my negativity.  Surely I have some positives.  Well yes of course......just need a day or so to think of them......aren't you so glad I'm back!

Doom and Gloom rule.

x x x