The chosen one.

I know I frequently refer to the contents of my inbox and the many ludicrous messages I receive but you'll have to indulge me once again.

Today's mail was, for a change, directed at me as opposed to Martin, who is presumably my alter ego but being in the throws of a dual personality crisis I am unaware of his existence. Who knows.  Anyhow this morning I heard from Holly proclaiming "YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN!!!", which is fantastic -  if only I knew what I had been chosen for.  Naturally to find out I had to complete a form providing my name, address, telephone number, credit card details, ring size and an accurate itinerary of my day to day whereabouts.   Let me think about that for a moment.

As it happens the next message was from 'Tara' the Medium, quite handily entitled "I know what is about to happen".....and so the thought occurred to me if Tara was actually sincere in her claim  I could probably save myself a smidgen of time, forego the completion of Holly's laborious form and simply get the low down from Tara instead.  I clicked on to her mail, which went a tad like this:-

" Greetings Abigail.  There is good news.  But there is also bad news.  The good news is very good and will outweigh the bad news, and could even become better news,  but you must act fast or the bad news may be far worse.  I see some significant dates approaching, but hurry....these dates will pass very soon and unless you hear what I have to say, something very unpleasant awaits, made even more unpleasant by the fact you could have known it was coming had you let me tell you what I know and therefore avoided the unpleasant thing by not ignoring this message.   If you let me I will help you maneuver through this difficult time, this time of good and bad, happy and sad, and possibly even improve your finances.  I sense you are about to come in to some money.  Or lose some.  It all depends on what you do next.  A relationship is about to change.  I can't tell you how it will change right now (presumably because I'm not yet charging you anything) but change is coming and I can help you make that change a good thing.................the key is acting soon and...............blah blah blah. 

Funnily enough Tara's response form was pretty similar to that of Holly's.  I must confess to becoming quite drawn in by the dialogue this time however, so much so that I felt my mouth go dry, my heart quicken and my hand reach for my purse.  Like when I get a ridiculous chain (e)mail assuring me that unless I forward on the attached message about the  Syrian Donkey who talks to God and is able to defecate dove shaped feces, I am most certainly going to have some really crappy luck that evening.   Although I know it is nonsense, still a tiny part of me wonders "what if?".   So I was tempted by Tara, for at least twenty seconds,  but then came to my senses.....after all, I figured, if she's so damn psychic why did I need to give her my bank details?

On a different tangent altogether - body wise, diet wise and exercise wise I am doing reasonably well.  I have been to the gym about 9 times over the last two weeks and worked my gargantuan ass to the bone so to speak, albeit a bone still well covered with lard.   Only today Corrinna commented that she has never seen me sweat like that.......never mind 'like that'.....never seen me sweat is probably more accurate.  Sweating is something which has only very recently started to occur, which Chris previously attributed to the difficulty any moisture had in getting past my outer layer of blubber ,although I'm personally not convinced this theory has any scientific substance.   You only need to sit next to your average chubby, balding, tattooed and butt crack displaying taxi driver to know that fat often means sweaty and stinky too.  No, I think that this new found salt water covering of mine is more connected with my conscious effort to eat sensibly, hydrate myself properly and thus my body's acceptance that maybe, just maybe we are heading in to some kind of normal. 

So the gym membership was a wonderful gift, or has been so far, as were all my gifts which I must confess made me feel overwhelmingly spoiled and incredibly grateful that I have so many good friends and family who care for me.   Not something I think about on a daily basis, but definitely something which I should consider more frequently. 

and I don't need a medium to tell me that!

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