Fun in the Sun....

Yeah right.  School Summer Holidays + this country invariably equals wet blustery weather, drenched parks and play equipment, lots of bickering kids and hence mothers with the onset of first stage alopecia.  I knew this would happen.....six weeks ago when the sun was beating down on an excited Britain and the anticipation of summer fun filled the air, the pessimist in me predicted that our joy would be short lived.  The chances of feeling temperatures akin to those we had when I were a lass, resulting in red hot pavements, soft squelchy tarmac and hose pipe bans (the Holy Grail of the sunbathing community) were minimal at best.  And so it is that the moment the whistle blew at 3.30pm on Friday last, and hundreds of thousands of school children poured on to the streets ready to run wild for the next two months of nil lessons (and even niller discipline) the heavens opened, and as yet, just like the flurry of 24 hour supermarkets which are rapidly taking over the world, haven't bothered to close.  Dark, muggy, close, wet, drizzly, grey and bleak....just about sums it up.

Still, it could be worse.  At least I have the sense to acknowledge the reality of our climate and its resulting limitations, unlike some who for reasons known only to themselves, and despite the weather, continue to plan camping holidays and trips to the 'seaside' -  activities which they must realise are wholly inappropriate, yet in a misdirected act of sensory martyrdom they decide to press on regardless.   Subjecting their children to a combination of  sleep deprivation, cold showers, filthy portaloos and gritty sand filled sarni's (not to mention the other places that stuff manages to get).   Personally, my idea of hell.

And the biggest problem I have with it all is this;  that contrary to the commonly held misconception  which suggests "all the best things in life are free",  they are in fact most definitely not.  (Incidentally I am  convinced that the person who penned that statement (a) lived in the Med (b) did not have to entertain a brood of four throughout the wet school holidays and (c) had never been to Disneyland Paris).    NOTHING is free, or barely anything, and the stuff which is free is so for a reason.  Yesterday I took a bunch of kids swimming to a family fun and floats session.  That was free, which seemed like an absolute bonus until I got in the pool and realised that basically I was in a hypothermic bath with a few hundred boogie nosed children 50% of whom had probably also peed in the pool........ free for a reason.  I spent the whole hour keeping my head above the surface and my mouth closed.  Which for a woman who lives to talk is no small feat. 

And on the subject of talking and living....last night Danny and I were in the car having a chat and he came out with yet another of his classic statements which got me to thinking I would write a few of them down for you to enjoy:-

(in the car yesterday)

Dan "how old do you need to be to join the Gym"

Me "16"

Dan "can I join in five years then?"

Me: "yes if you want"

Dan: "will you still be there?"

Me "yes hopefully Dan, unless I'm dead of course"

Dan "Mum, even the FATTEST man in the world hasn't died of it yet....so you'll be okay"

(last week when discussing Rory - Danny's arch enemy)

Dan "Mum, it's probably better that you don't come to School anymore cause if Rory sees you he'll make fun of you, and I can't handle it"

Me "Dan, Rory's already seen me before, just last week at Sports Day, he was looking at me across the playground"

Dan "mmmmm...but you look quite normal from a distance Mum, it's only up close that you look as fat as you are"

(whilst explaining to him about bullies and people you don't get along with)

Me "you know Danny, you'll meet a lot of 'Rorys' in your life"

Dan "Actually Mum, I don't think there are many people called Rory you know"

and my personal favourite

(whilst discussing an episode of Dr Who)

Dan "Mum, what was that monster called again?"

Me "which one Dan...you need to be a bit more specific"

Dan "you know, the one with testicles coming out of his forehead"

(Me "that would be tentacles Dan")

He is absolutely one of the best things in my life (along with the other three naturally), and costs me a small fortune....point proven I think.

x x