Life is full of them and probably mostly the self-imposed-then-broken types. I definitely made a pact with myself that I'd achieve a svelte size '10' by my Spain holiday, which gives me precisely three hours and ten minutes to drop thirty pounds. Of course this naturally has the knock on effect of creating within me a deepened sense of inadequacy, shame and guilt at not having met my objective, thus necessitating drowning my sorrows in a shed load of sugary junk.
In seriousness I have been on this journey for over eight months now and am barely a pound different to when I set out. Something tells me I lack a certain level of commitment. Maybe it's just that deep down I understand the world is not ready for a woman of my many talents to be toting a figure fit for a Beyonce support dancer. Think of the havoc it would wreak. It's clearly far safer for my wondrousness to remain hidden beneath this well cushioned exterior.
Thankfully for me as it happens (due to the wearing of a most inadequately supportive pair of wedges at the weekend) I am extremely cushioned and therefore bounce on impact. My dignity however is not so buoyant and will remain permanently scarred at the recollection of the number of falls I had whilst out on Saturday night. Heightened by the shame of having a perfectly handsome chappy walk up to me and say "what a delightful rack you have" only for me to fall flat on my face at his feet. "Yes, but perhaps you can have a better view of it if I just go down here"......
And on the subject of views.....Chris has, this evening, returned from a trip to Amsterdam. Need I add any other detail....probably not. Suffice to say that it was not the tulips or scenic landscape that caught his attention.
Anyway, I have exactly sixty minutes now before I depart this sad existence (though not heaven bound - or at least I hope not) venturing out to horizons new and a hell of a lot warmer, or in other words that was a rather elaborate way of saying we are (literally) about to leave for our holiday. I can't quite comprehend the fact I shall be without the Internet whilst there, thus no blogging, no Facebook, no random searches on Google for miscellaneous solutions to problems (incidentally try that game sometime....it's a great boredom breaker. Begin with tapping in the first few words of a question i.e. "Should I...?" then see what suggestions it makes. "Stay with my transexual boyfriend", "buy shares in BP", or "end my life" being amongst three of my current favourites). Who needs the Samaritans when you have Google? In fact who needs the Samaritans full stop. From the experience of my hypothetical friend, they genuinely aren't much help in an emergency. "Hi, my name's Bambi's Hypothetical friend and I am seriously considering killing myself" surely deserves a more prompt response than "Is there any chance you could come in the office a week on Monday and have a chat with someone then". Well er no, because with a bit of courage and commitment I intend to be dead in the next few hours.
Thankfully though my hypothetical friend is as uncommitted as me.
Thankfully though my hypothetical friend is as uncommitted as me.
And so I say a fond farewell to you all, my international followers and global fans. (OK so perhaps I'm getting a little carried away). Once again thanks for tuning in and reading my blather......when I return I shall DEFINITELY get back on track with my whole weight loss campaign.
I promise. x
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