That sinking feeling.

If I thought the scales were groaning beneath my gargantuan density before our holiday you can imagine how distressed they were upon my return.  I wonder why it is that a sensible weight loss averages at approximately 1-2lbs per week yet my body is perfectly happy to gain that amount each hour whilst abroad?  Further confirmation that I am genetically flawed.  Not that I needed it.  Just one morning with either of my parents is evidence enough.

So my 'holiday'.  As appropriate a title perhaps as nicknaming Henry VIII 'Slim Faithful'.  I have to say (partially quoting a friend of mine) that the concept of a 'Family Holiday' is probably the definitive oxymoron.  There is nothing relaxing, leisurely or de-stressing about it.  I have come to understand that a holiday (for me) will only be just that if spent in absolute isolation.    All I need is a bed, a lamp, several books and silence.  Hence my intention to visit the all inclusive resort of Costa Del asylum just as soon as I can find a space in my manic schedule to have a nervous breakdown.   Thankfully I think I have a gap somewhere in February 2017.

This year's experience has taught me a great lesson though.  Well a few of them actually. 

Number One: never and I mean never cut costs by flying through the night with children.  Although it saves a few pennies,  having four extremely tired, whinging, crying, sulking, bickering brats all yapping at one another for twelve hours straight of travelling is a price you don't want to pay.  By the time we reached our destination I was practically delirious from lack of sleep combined with what had felt like psychological torture.  I am now considering offering their services to  Islamic Fundamentalists wishing to terrorise a few airlines.  Never mind tweezers and nail scissors......

Number Two: never share accommodation.  With anyone other than your immediate family that is (although in actual fact if you could avoid sharing with them too you would undoubtedly have a better experience).   There is a reason why, upon reaching adulthood, you moved out of home and got as far away from your parents as possible.  Don't forget it.   After all relationships are tough enough without having an audience to your idiosyncratic behaviours who then feel it helpful to proffer post-match like analysis.

Number Three: When you tell your three year old daughter it's okay to pee in the pool, make sure you tell her that it is not okay to tell Grandad you said that.

Number Four:  Don't swim with your mouth open.

Number Five: Baby wipes, baby wipes and more baby wipes.

I'm sure there were a few other things I learned but these seem to be the important ones.

On the subject of learning, I got my exam results whilst out there, and yes I am now a qualified Accounting Technician.  Frankly it's pretty worthless or feels that way after having  applied for numerous jobs and heard nothing  from any of them.  I am thinking that maybe a new approach is required.....something fresh and inventive which enables me to stand out from other candidates and get their absolute attention.  Like say attaching topless photos to my C.V. or death threats.

So for the next few weeks my focus will be on obtaining employment and sorting out this car crash of a body.  I did get straight back to the gym after we returned to the UK and have been a very good little girl in that respect (OK maybe not so little), I'm not however going to set any more unrealistic objectives because if and when they don't come in to fruition (as always) I will just make myself look even more of a **!"!.    Let's face it, the only realistic goal I could set is to get fatter. 

Now I know I could do that one. x