Election Fever

Just to set the mood for the impending financial collapse and doom of the British Empire I thought I'd deck my site out in the colours of the day (May 6th that is).  I am absolutely intrigued to know whether my little mini-poll (twelve votes to date so absolutely miniscule) is representative of the voting population.  In which case Mr Cameron will be leading us on to destitution, which is a shame as Nick Clegg is by far the better looking candidate, although that's not really saying much when you consider the competition.  No, in my opinion we should all vote 'other', that other being Brad Pitt (very satisfactory eye-candy) or my Eddie (Izzard) who may well run the Country to ruin but would at least provide much laughter along the way. 

I was in Birmingham today and once again greeted by the sight of various news broadcasts being filmed around the City Centre.  As I passed one team I heard the television presenter say to the poor bystander he'd nobbled to be on tv "so....just face the camera and say 'if I were primeminister I would ....blahdyblahdyblah'"  meaning the interviewee had to insert some phrase in to the blank and say what he would do.  As I was walking high speed in a frantic attempt to reduce my lateness (thanks to London Midland Rail's inadequate rail service) I didn't have time to listen further.  I did walk on however considering what I would have said. 

"If I were primeminister I would........   well I'll be honest, the first thing that sprang to mind was "shoot myself".  I could not stand to be in the public eye on that kind of level.  I find it terrifying the way the media tear a strip out of everyone who's anyone and really couldn't withstand that kind of scrutiny.  Think about Mo Mowlam, the poor woman was dying and they still ripped her to shreds.   My jelly belly and acne scars would be prime material for the crew of spitting image.

On reflection however I decided that if I had gotten as far as Primeminister shooting myself would be rather pointless without at least making some major policy changes first.  After all why not wait for the abuse to actually begin before pulling the trigger, and so I decided what my manifesto would be.

Firstly, and not at all unexpected if you've read my previous ramblings, the return of capital punishment, to include harsher sentencing, public flogging, the stocks, and a resurgence of diabolical prison conditions.  Reoffending would be minimilised because criminals would either be dead by lethal injection or so severely traumatised from their stay in the 'Gulag' style facilities they would rather die than go back.

Secondly it's sister policy, capital punishment.  It's amazing how quickly children will learn to concentrate when their knuckles are at stake - a board rubber to the head never did anyone any harm, our parents are evidence of that.

Thirdly, enforced labour for all physically able bodied benefit claimants.  This incidentally is not designed as a punishment merely a way of satisfying mankinds fundamental need to work in order to feel valued.   During Chris's recovery period, the three months when he was able to do voluntary work were the most positive three months I can remember, because I believe he felt useful again.  And what did the benefits office have to say about it?  "Computer says no".  Can't work for free because this is exploitation (unless you're working for a Charity that is).  The fact Cap Gemini were doing us a favour and assisting Chris's recovery was irrelevant apparently. 

Fourth, educational credits/exemptions for stay at home parents.  This could be in the form of an aptitude test (minimal study required) to demonstrate your ability to work at a certain academic level without needing to invest the three years it takes to gain a degree (not to mention the massive debts).  In other words accreditation for doing one of the most essential jobs in society.  Raising children well effectively  means you have developed/contributed useful members of society to the population.   Why should it be then that women/men who choose to do this important work are penalised when it comes to returning to work, simply because of their lack of academic study?   Obviously there are some careers where you need to have the foundation knowledge which a degree qualification provides, but generally speaking a degree is just a passport in to training. 

And Fifthly......actually I didn't get that far.  Point four had me ranting so much in my own head, preparing my election speech and my supporting statements for the proposal that I didn't have time to create any further points to my manifesto.

Definitely free chocolate though for everyone.  Oh and diet pills. 

Sound good?? x x