Had to include the F word in my title as it's all I can currently think about. I missed my breakfast, barely ate any lunch and am now waiting on my tea and it's already ten thirty at night. No wonder my body is a mess.
This morning I had an epiphany. Was sitting on the train minus my mobile phone which I had accidentally left at home (actually a blessing as usually I am completely busy peeing around with it) so managed to find the time to think for a change, meditate if you like, and ponder my current status. Aided by the sounds of two young Mormon missionaries in the next row busy preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ to surprisingly willing participants, and two other young chaps, who boarded at RAF Cosford, discussing their forthcoming tours of duty. It suddenly dawned on me that in the not too distant future I will have young men in my house and that I have a wonderful opportunity to mould these boys into people of character and substance. Following on from this was the consideration that I spend far too much time focusing on my inner personal turmoil rather than tuning in to the blessing of having such wonderful offspring and the amazing opportunity to raise them well.
And so I hereby promise myself that from now on I shall try and allow the pleasure and privelidge of my situation to sink in. I appreciate that I am forever setting myself new and unattainable heights of happiness but I hope this train of thought is something I can maintain, for a while at least.
So much of what we are as an adult is shaped by the input from our childhood. Its almost like our default settings are those we learn in our formative years. Sadly no parent is perfect and undoubtedly we carry the scars of their mistakes, but as each generation passes we have the gift of hindsight and understanding where they went wrong and avoiding those pitfalls. Probably only to create a whole set of new ones, but still.
So rather than zooming in on my own inadequacy and failings I am going to try for a while to concentrate my efforts in to positively influencing my children and helping them to be what I could not. Starting with attending school!
x x
Spell check....hindsight. privilege, mould.
ReplyDeleteParenting is a difficult path as no-one has ever raised THAT child before. General rules are good baseline of course. Hindsight IS a wonderful thing, there's TONS I would do differently but important to remember the mantra: Can only do the best you can, with the knowledge you have at the time and in the circumstances you are in. Desiderata another good mantra, as is The moving finger writes etc and To thine own self be true etc.
Hinesight sounds good but Hindsight is more useful i think! x
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