Farewell to the fizzy stuff

Today is the official start of lent....or rather the preceding day to the official start of lent (so not the official start to lent then but you get what I mean). Each year I invariably spend these 24 hours trying to decide what it is that I will choose to sacrifice for the next 40 days, only to conclude by bedtime that it's all a bit too Catholic and I shall instead come out in rebellion and give up absolutely nothing. Not that I have an issue with Catholicism but I have never yet forgiven my RE teacher, Sister Anna, for the one detention I got whilst at school. The hag. And you know what for???? Not smoking or skiving or coming to school with spiky red hair and no blazer, no no no. I simply asked her if God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost were one person how come they appear separately at Jesus’ baptism. She told me it was one of the mysteries of Godliness and I shouldn't expect answers to everything......when I pressed her on it she chastised me severely. Admittedly I vaguely remember at this point whispering something like "ahh shut it you old cow", hence the detention. But still. Looking back to events like that, perhaps I wasn't as innocent at school as I once said.

Anyway back to Lent. So I am thinking this year of all the things I could choose to do without, like the children perhaps or taking baths. Should I consider giving up housework, paying the mortgage, washing the laundry or speaking to people I don't like. All of these things don’t seem so much sacrifices as pleasures however. Perhaps far more radical options are required. A 40 day abstinence from Facebook maybe, banning myself from checking all emails or an embargo on picking my spots?  these possibilities are just way off the manageability table I think. We're talking hard core habits here which if missed for a day have been known to cause mass convulsions. No, it can't be anything that is going to lead to inevitable failure.

Another Anonymous contributor suggested the following:- "Don't pick something too radical, just achieving something for whole of lent will be radical and impressive enough... So don't give up all chocolate - maybe just 'Reisens', or drink 2 litres of water a day, all at bedtime if you have to, 20 push ups before you go to the loo in a morning (which could be tricky if you did drink 2 litres before you got into bed) an apple a day for 40 days, some dried apricots instead of lunch 2/3 times a week, eat everything off Maisey sized plates and don't have 2nds, don't eat after 6/7pm but allow yourself a night off a week, once a week don't eat after 1pm, chew 4/5 pieces of gum every day (not all at the same time) to help prevent snacking, don't have butter on your bread except on a Sunday, only have porridge or shredded wheat for breakfast...." and so she continues. I need to give up my life I think if I am to try and fit all that in!! Sounds like some complicated math’s equation "if Bambi eats only toast on Wednesdays, dances for seven hours on Friday and on Sunday drinks nineteen gallons of water and apricot juice, how many pints of porridge will she need to swallow on Monday to do a hearty poop on Tuesday?” Actually I'm teasing now as he/she did say just pick one. I am guessing by the reference to "Reisens" that it's my Commando sister - I think only she knows about my lust for those gorgeous little toffees. Another evil product of Germany I might add. (I really hope there are no German Catholics reading this blog today).

And so I have decided to strike a balance. Something that is both achievable AND a genuine sacrifice. I am going to give up Diet Coke, and I include in that Pepsi Cola as well. It's going to be tough, there's no denying it, but manageable too I hope. I'd love to commit at the same time to drinking only water but I feel this could be the straw that breaks this already half done for camel's back. And so I will agree to drink only fluids containing water, (Fruit Juice, Milk, Dr Pepper, Beer, Malibu, Red Bull, Vodka, Tonic, Lucozade, Gin and Vin Blanc to name but a few! I joke of course - Gin is disgusting.).

I would also like to give up all forms of sexual activity, but I'm guessing that unless I am prepared to give up my expectation of marriage fidelity in to the bargain, then it's pretty much a non starter. As far as Chris goes, I would like to find him something to sacrifice too though. He is always telling me how easy he feels dieting must be, hypothetically speaking of course. He has never had to watch what he puts in his mouth and I'm guessing he never will have to, yet he honestly believes that he could and very easily! Just like when I watch 'the Apprentice' I always think I'd nail the challenges with my eyes closed. We all do it I'm sure. So what can I ask him to give up??? Breathing perhaps?

Meanwhile I had better get my wibbly backside down to the local shop and purchase as many cans of coke as I can physically load bear then pump them intravenously in to my body before midnight. My final goodbye to the special stuff.

Well enjoy your pancakes you lovely lot. And if there are any other lent followers out there, leave me a comment to let me know what you are planning to go without. x x