M.I.A (Certificate 18)

Don't suppose any of you saw the article in the news a few days ago about a woman in Columbia who, on admittance of her body to the morgue, was found to be alive?  Turns out she had Lazarus Syndrome, where the patient's heart rate and breathing drop below measurable levels.  Hence the ability to be pronounced.  Got me wondering whether it's possible for the reverse to happen; folk walking around the planet with a pulse and the appearance of having a life but in fact being socially, emotionally and mentally dead.  Would explain a lot of people to me.

Today has been both wonderful and devastating.  Wonderful in that my friends came over for dinner, which went swimmingly, was delicious and provided a fantastic opportunity to catch up. 

Devastating because I have lost something.....something quite serious.

Serious, yet disgusting.  Too disgusting to talk about in detail, but suffice to say it's recovery may well involve stirrups, nudity and a lot of poking and prodding.  I am most distressed.   Naturally Chris has offered to help me find it, hard hat and head torch at the ready.   This apparently (according to Google - the source of all modern knowledge) is a common problem amngst the menstruating population - I'm guessing most of you probably have an idea to what I am referring by now.    I'm fretting about the consequences if it travels to a major organ (is that even possible??)......and what might the death certificate say?   Death by cotton wool.

It's a shocker I know.  But you will remember that I said this would be a warts and all truth baring blog and actually there are far worse things I could tell you.  Consider yourselves spared.

Body wise my legs are stiff as, well I  don't know, a very stiff thing.  Could say board but I think depending on what the board is made of they could be stiffer than that.  When I try to sit my knees tremor making me appear as though performing some kind of funky tribal dance.  It's rather unpleasant.  But like I say not as unpleasant as the missing thing which over-rides all other unpleasantness for the last few months.  And yes, I am obsessed with it.  I can't get it out of my head and feel a panic coming on.

So I think maybe I should go take a long hot bath and see if I can't get nature to run it's course.  Meanwhile Ma please don't get on the phone telling me to call 999 and report the missing ****** because personally I'd rather die of Toxic Shock than have to admit what's happened.  To be honest I am more concerned about the long term ramifications.....like why the hell has it managed to travel at all.  Are my insides that messed up that there's some kind of new passageway formed?  And if so where will it come out?

Sometimes being female is such a drag.