As a man thinketh

Do you think it is honestly true, the whole 'you are what you think' scenario?  Right now I am hoping not.  My thoughts are generally unwriteable and if they equate to the real me then I have well and truly earned a one way bus pass to hell.  And even more so if dreams are taken in to consideration.

I don't know what is wrong with me lately.  Actually I am saying that but in truth this is probably the way I have always been.   It's just that writing a report each day is enabling me to see myself more clearly.  A mardy manic depressive with a severe lack of tolerance.  Quite frankly if I was married to me I'd be appalled.  Not least of all with the bedroom action.

And I am also sick and tired of telling you all this.   Because really who wants to know?  Initially it can be mildly interesting hearing about friends trials and tribulations but if we're completely and utterly honest, one can only bear to listen for so long.  Like when your best friend get's dumped.  It's okay the first time she tells you the tale, sharing the nitty gritty details of he said, she said, they said etc but after eight renditions of the same story any empathy you may have felt well and truly dies a death.  I think that's probably human nature.  We can only take so much negativity before we become completely desensitised.  And this, no doubt, is why most of us don't divulge our innermost complaints very often.  And why when asked "how are you" it's only polite, socially acceptable and utterly British to reply "fine thanks" even if you've just been diagnosed with a terminal illness, your child's a heroin addict and your husband has joined the Taliban.

Ahhhhh life.  I think there is a song by that name, life oh life oh li-y-i-ife, oh life, doo it do do, which if ever you read the lyrics is a complete load of old cack but catchy none the less.

I still don't have any takers on the bike ride.   Come on folks, have I not entertained you sufficiently with my misery?  Isn't it time you gave something back!  Lightweights.

Talking of weight, that is really getting to me too.  I am a stone lighter but feel worse than ever which is ridiculous but something which I knew was inevitable.  I can guarantee that the thinner I get the more negative I feel about myself.  Simply because I end up obsessed.  It's easier to live with enforced oblivion than a genuine consciousness of self.  Ooooh that's deep.

I think I need to develop a serious drug habit.   Time for a sleep I think. x