Heartbroken

This morning I tried to access my blog from College as I had a bit of time to spare, but for some reason it would not allow me in.  Shame as what I could have written then would have been far more upbeat than what I shall be writing now.  So much happens in a day.

Just as I had thought, all that was needed last night was a decent amount of sleep and as if by magic I awoke a changed and much improved woman (albeit only temporary).  Before the days of our own parenthood Chris and I used to scoff at the concept of children misbehaving due to tiredness.  We would go to social gatherings and very piously take note of all the ill tempered brats beating hell out of their parents or each other, quietly mocking when Mum or Dad tried to offer the justification that 'little Jonny' was simply overtired.  Overtired my buttocks.  Oh how we would laugh at their poor parenting skills and lack of discipline.  Ironic then that nowadays not only are all of our children complete rat bags whenever sleep has eluded them but Chris and I regularly 'play up' too.  Without a proper rest we are the family from hell. 

College today started with a bang, quite literally.  Got on the train only to find it absolutely rammed so decided to kind of sit/squat on the floor.  After about ten minutes or so this proved rather uncomfortable so I stood back up not realising there was a metal shelf above my head.  The rest is history so to speak.  Thunk went my skull on the metal, speedily followed by a chorus of "oooh are you okay????s" from the surrounding passengers.  Physically yes I am fine but emotionally, no, humiliated and still very disturbed.  It did however initiate a journey long conversation with a nearby male passenger, which would have been the highlight of my day had he not been old enough to father my grandad.

College was utter cack.  All just more of the same and felt a right waste of time being there.  So at lunch  I figured I would skip off home and go watch Danny in his first school football game this season.  I think the team itself has already played several matches but this was the first time Dan had been picked for the squad, so genuinely a significant moment in his footballing career.  Saying that, after watching him this afternoon I don't actually think he has any chance of a career, not in football or anything else for that matter!!  He was the only player looking in the wrong direction most of the game and talking to himself.  Not a good sign.  Perhaps he was tired.

Anyway, it's funny how one event leads to another and suddenly fate has taken you in a completely different direction to where you thought you were headed.  My choosing to leave college early and go to the match with Dan then led to me deciding to visit the pet shop (with Danny) which then led to me purchasing a new rabbit companion for Violet which then led to me and Chris having a major bust up and telling him to move out.  This was all because I had purchased an incy wincy rabbit which he didn't want.  His argument is that if there is a decision to be made and we both disagree, his view must always be the one we follow because he thinks he is God.  Or something like that.  I believe in a democracy and allowing all members of the family to have a vote.  Chris is a born dictator.  The only thing more upsetting, frustrating and down right infuriating than a blatant dictator is a dictator with half a brain.  I  feel sure we are destined for eventual failure and think perhaps we may aswell give up now rather than keep flogging this dead and virtually decomposed horse.

The worst part of tonight though is that my plan to provide Violet with a companion completely backfired.  She hated the new addition, went wild, attacked the rabbit and when I intervened she attacked me.  Sunk her teeth deep in to my wrist and ripped through as hard as she could.  So gripped was she that as I raised my arm to retreive it she was actually dangling in mid air held on only by her nashers.  And that my friends is the definition of pain.  Searing, sharp, shooting, throbbing pain from my wrist to my shoulder.  Nothing though compared to the pain of now having to give her away.  My mum and sister have both assured me that you cannot keep such a pet in the house around young children.  Even if her attack was provoked who's to say what could provoke her again in the future.  She is far too aggresive and could seriously disfigure a little person.  So off she has gone, back to the pet shop where they will attempt to rehouse her with someone who likes a spot of violence.

And so what should have been a happy event has become a miserable mess and I have spent the remainder of the evening weeping at my own stupidity.  Tomorrow I am going to start anew though.  I am tired of feeling so miserable.  Admittedly I checked my dates and it is time for the mandatory  installment of PMS so that could be part of it.  On the other hand maybe I am just a mardy whinebag.  All I want is to be happy......how hard can it be?